When you fall, you fall hard

A lot of people think that love is easy, and I am a prime example that is it not. Being in love may be the hardest and most painful thing you ever experience in your entire life. Only its not the love that hurts. Its what comes after. When you’re still madly in love but everyone around you, including yourself, is telling you that it is time to walk away, because it is whats best for you when in reality, you’re the only person who knows when its time to walk away.

A year ago, on Labor Day, I invited a cute guy to come over and watch a movie with me. A year ago, I met the guy I would later fall in love with. A year ago, I didn’t realize that I had met the guy that would change my life forever.

I couldn’t possibly put into words how I have felt the past year. I had found a guy who loved me for who I was as a person. He had fallen in love with my flaws and helped me to get past my insecurities. He made me feel loved every single day of my life. He was passionate, and kind. He spoke so gentle and every time he smiled, it felt like nothing I had ever felt before. I was absolutely consumed with him. He gave me foot rubs, he kissed me when I was sweaty, he held me when I was scared, he kissed my stomach when I felt fat, he told me I was beautiful every day, he kissed me good morning and told me he loved me more times during the day then I could count, he would suffer through cold nights for me because I was always hot, he suffered through shows that he hated, he never let me lift anything more than he thought my little body could carry, he would leave me cute notes to come home to after long trips, he was kind to my family, he never once made fun of my kitten addiction, he understood my problems and he always knew how to make them feel better, he would claim me when I was being embarrassing, he made me feel important and smart and strong, and more importantly, he listened to me. He made me feel heard. I would have done anything in the world for this guy because I was madly and insanely in love with him, and I still am.

I think there are such things as soulmates not ending up together and as much as I don’t want to believe it, I think you can go your entire life holding a little piece of your heart for that person. Its like you walk around with all of these feelings you have absolutely no idea what to do with because the only person you feel so deeply for is the one who cannot receive those intense emotions that keep you up all night. How do you overcome the pain when the person you want to run to for comfort is the person you are running to for answers on why things are the way that they are. The one person that you want to talk to, to make yourself feel better, is the person who is causing all of the pain. Only the pain they are causing has nothing to do with the actual person, but everything to do with the situation.

I fell in love with a guy I knew I had no future with, but pretended I did because the thought of not being with him was worse then facing the harsh reality we had ahead of us. The worst part is, I fell in love with someone who would become someone I woke up to everyday and faced life with, my best friend.

How do you fall out of love with someone who has done nothing wrong, with someone who was the best guy you’ve ever known, with someone who made you a better version of yourself, with someone who pushed you to be better, with someone who made you feel like the most beautiful and wonderful person in the world. I think the answer is you never do. You just let time heal you and eventually the pain goes away. But you never stop loving them.

I fell in love too hard and too fast. People keep asking me if I would have done things differently or why I had gotten into a “doomed” relationship in the first place. I think what people don’t realize is that to me, knowing him for only a portion of my life was better than not knowing him at all. I knew there would be pain and heartbreak, but I was willing to go through that pain to know him for the year that I did. How can you regret something that brought you so much happiness? In my eyes, I got to meet someone who changed my life and who made life exciting. Someone who made me excited to go out and achieve my dreams, and be whoever I thought I could be. For that very reason, I would go back and do it all over again if I had the chance. I would love with every inch of me because loving someone for a short amount of time, is better than pushing someone away because you are scared of the future.

To me, the love I got to experience, is worth the heartbreak.

XO, Jord

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